50 Or More Ways To Annoy Bleach Characters
by Kouzumi93
Summary: The title says it all. Rated T for some slightly suggestive material. All done! Ichimaru is up!
1. Kurotsuchi Mayuri

I know, I know, I really don't need to be starting another random project that will probably never get done, but hey, at least I'm still up to date with my trilogy, ne? This story is different than all of my other stories, though, because this one was written by a bunch of my friends during school when we were really bored and I was stumped on the trilogy.

So I'd like to thank all of my friends who helped me finally get to fifty one ways on this chapter, because you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to find fifty ways to annoy Kurotsuchi-taicho. Ha! (Although, while I was typing this, I'm sure I came up with a bunch more for him, so it is over fifty one now.)

Disclaimer: Kouzumi93 does not own Bleach or The Smurfs.

**Warning: **_**Do not attempt.**__ You just might be turned to dust in one of Kurotsuchi-taicho's experiments._

Fifty Or More Ways To Annoy Bleach Characters

By Kouzumi93

Chapter One: Kurotsuchi Mayuri

- Tell him that Nemu has gotten involved with his third seat.

- Ask him if he made Nemu to relieve himself of his sexual desires.

- Call him a freak.

- While you are around him, hum The Smurfs' theme song backwards, since he is like an inverted Smurf; blue hair instead of blue skin, white skin instead of the white hat.

- Sneak into the twelfth division and try to play the piano on his computer keyboard.

- Ask him if he used to work as a clown in the circus.

- Ask him if he wears that purple thing around his neck so that he can sleep whenever no one is looking at him.

- Pretend to be a member of the twelfth division and roam around the labs while mixing random chemicals and pushing all the buttons that you see.

- When you blow something up from doing the above, blame it on someone who is randomly standing around you and run away as fast as you possibly can.

- Ask him if he thinks he is a woman, since he wears so much damn makeup.

- While he is in the shower, take his clothes and hide them.

- Get a camera and take pictures of him naked, and then post them on the Internet.

- Then blame it on Kenpachi.

- _Then, _blame it on Hitsugaya, since Kurotsuchi-taicho pointed out that Kenpachi wouldn't be able to figure out how a computer even worked.

- Make all of the doors in the entire division only big enough for Yachiru or Hitsugaya-taicho to fit through.

- Laugh as he tries as hard as he can to get through the doors.

- Run away when he just makes a hole in the wall to go through.

- Give him implants.

- Replace all of his books with highly religious books that frown upon experiments and technology.

- Hide all of his computer data and replace it with gay porn.

- Tell Yachiru that the gold things on Kurotsuchi-taicho's face are filled with chocolate.

- When he is about to kill her, get Kenpachi and pit the two captains against each other.

- Replace his shampoo with pink hair dye.

- Then tell Yachiru that she now has a giant twin.

- Find a strand of Yamamoto-soutaicho's hair, cut it and tell Kurotsuchi-taicho that it belongs to Hitsugaya-taicho.

- Laugh as he freaks out because he has accidentally made a clone of Yamamoto-soutaicho.

- Then laugh even harder as the Yamamoto-soutaicho clone begins declaring its love for porn.

- When you are finally able o manage a straight face, knock on the door and tell Kurotsuchi-taicho that Yamamoto-soutaicho will be there in about an hour to inspect the division.

- Laugh as Kurotsuchi-taicho tries desperately to find a hiding place for the clone.

- Push all of the big red buttons that you can find.

- Place a chip in Nemu that keeps her from obeying anything that Kurotsuchi-taicho tells her to do.

- If he should ask you what is going on, yell "I didn't do it!" and run away screaming.

- If he gives chase, go into the human world and hid in the Urahara Shouten.

- Ask him why Nemu sits in a chair next to him while he is showering.

- Ask him if he sits in that chair while she is showering.

- Ask him about a bunch of chemicals, then mix the ones that he tells you not to mix.

- When something blows up and he yells at you, tell him that it's not opposite day.

- Laugh if he doesn't get it.

- Give Yachiru a ton of Pixy Stix and let her loose in his lab.

- Laugh when she walks in on him while he is in the shower.

- Laugh even harder when she asks him why he is different from her.

- Ask him if he has modified _every_ part of his anatomy.

- Tell him that you hope he wants grandchildren, because Nemu is going to be giving him some soon.

- Ask him if Szayel Aporro Grantz is Nemu's son, since he recreated himself inside of her and was reborn.

- Tell him that Yamamoto-soutaicho might look down upon him even more because of this new relationship.

- Ask him if he is related to Michael Jackson, since he is neither black nor white.

- Tell him that the only reason he got to be in charge of the twelfth division was because Urahara was exiled.

- Ask him what he would do if Hiyori was still the lieutenant of twelfth division.

- Tell him that Hitsugaya-taicho is smarter than him.

- To infuriate him further, tell him that only and idiot like him would kill and harm his allies in the midst of a battle just for the sake of winning it.

- Ask him if he had secretly worked with Aizen to turn Shinji and company into hollows just so that he could get Urahara exiled.

- Dress up like him for Halloween, then run around in the twelfth division acting like him and bossing everyone around.

- Meddle with some of his experiments so that they don't turn out as planned.

- Then blame it on someone else.

* * *

Alright, that's all I've got for this one, but if you have any ideas for anyone else, please let me know in a review. The next chapter will depend on which character I finish first, so leave reviews and ideas for any character so I can decide on someone and get it done sooner. Ja ne!


	2. Hitsugaya Toushiro

Yay! I'm on chapter two thanks to the one reviewer that I had, my little brother (Who only helped me because he wanted to make fun of the Bleach characters) and my friends Alden, Jess, Nick, Matt and Lazur at school. We managed to do all of this in one day!

This chapter is my (late) Christmas present to everyone. Happy Holidays!

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, or any other copyrighted things that may be mentioned in this chapter.

_**DO NOT ATTEMPT!**_ You just might be frozen for the rest of eternity.

Fifty Or More Ways To Annoy Bleach Characters

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Two: Hitsugaya Toushiro

- Call him short.

- Sneak some sake into his tea.

- Lock all of his desk drawers.

- Go to an amusement park and try to get him on the rides that have height requirements.

- Burn all of his paperwork.

- When he is about to go to the world of the living, 'notify' him that he must go to the elementary school instead of the high school.

- Tell him that his gigai is taller than he is.

- Put candy all over and all throughout his desk.

- Replace all of his paperwork with magazine pages that advertize toys, candy and platform shoes.

- Glue his chair to the floor.

- Replace his writing utensils with pink crayons.

- Put glue in the ink pad when you are forced to put the utensils back.

- Ask him if he likes being short.

- Tell him that he needs to lighten up.

- Run up to him frantically and tell him that Hinamori has joined Aizen.

- Better yet, tell him that she's dead.

- Tell him that Ichigo has more talent than him.

- Slyly notify him that Ichimaru was a genius too.

- Shrink his clothes, gasp and exclaim that he has gotten taller.

- Start to blow bubbles in his face, then tell him that he must join you because all of the little kids in the world of the living blow bubbles.

- When Christmas comes, buy him tons of toys, candy and a few pairs of platform shoes.

- Then hide the presents in his desk and all over the office.

- Take his desk and replace it with a television.

- Then turn on children's cartoons.

- Take the batteries out of the remote and glue it to a table.

- Make sure all of the buttons on the television are broken.

- Except for the volume up button.

- Laugh as he struggles to turn the TV off, but it only gets louder.

- Run away when he smashes it with Hyourinmaru.

- On his birthday, run into the office and drag him over to the wall where there is a height ruler.

- Measure his height by the tips of his hair, and exclaim that he has gotten taller.

- Then lower your hand to the actual top of his head, pout and say, "Nope, you shrank."

- Then run away before he can do anything.

- If you happen to come across a drunk Matsumoto in the middle of the night, direct her into Hitsugaya's room.

- Dress him up in a leprechaun outfit, then demand your pot of gold.

- When he asks you why you have dressed him up as a leprechaun, tell him that you thought he was one, since leprechauns are so short.

- Then ask him if you can have some Lucky Charms.

- Take Hyourinmaru from him and tell him that he must be over four and a half feet tall to handle a weapon.

- Or better yet, tell him that he must be taller than Hyourinmaru to have it back.

- Throw a party in his office while he is trying to work.

- Replace his bed with a baby carriage.

- Turn his office into a nursery.

- Give him a quarter and make him sit in one of those kiddie rides outside of stores.

- Sneak baby food into everything that he eats.

- Replace Hyourinmaru with a wooden stick and tell him that he's not old enough to have a real one.

- Put a sign outside the meeting hall that says 'You must be this tall to enter.'

- Make sure to put it just one or two inches above his height. (You can't put it too high up, because Soifon is only four inches taller and you DO NOT want to piss her off by mistake,)

- Put plastic wrap across the door to his office.

- Put a demotion letter in plain sight on his desk. Tell him that he is being demoted because he is too short to be a captain.

- Tell him that watermelon is illegal in the Seireitei, and that he'd better throw out all of his before someone tells on him.

* * *

Well, there you go. Some of them are kind of stupid, and yet have an aura of funny around them as well. I hope everyone had an excellent Christmas, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, or any other holiday that they celebrate!

Next chapter will be: Abarai Renji. Leave me reviews with ideas for Renji. I'm having trouble with him, and am only having him next as a request by my friend Alden.

Note: Wow, these chapters are pretty short! Not even one thousand words, but it probably will be once it is posted, since fanfiction has a way of somehow adding a bunch of words to a chapter. I don't know how, I don't know why, but I like it!


	3. Abarai Renji

I'm back with chapter three, at last. I know, it took me a damn long enough time to get this up, but better late than never, ne? It did take me a long time to finish this one though, as it is rather difficult to find fifty ways to annoy Renji.

Credit goes to me, my little brother Geoffrey and my friends Alden, Jess and Nick. Thanks for the help! It was really appreciated, especially since Miss Gimbor hasn't yelled at us yet for talking constantly during class.

Disclaimer: Bleach does not belong to me, nor any of my friends. You see their names above, no? Not one of them is named Kubo Tite, so therefore, none of them own it.

**Warning:**_** Do not attempt.**__ You just might end up with a section of Renji's bankai through you cold, dusty heart (Cold and dusty because if you try to do this chapter, you've likely tried the first two chapters of this story.)._

Fifty Or More Ways To Annoy Bleach Characters

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Three: Abarai Renji

- Try to play connect the dots with his eyebrows.

Call him a mooch.

Tell him that Rukia will never love him.

Tell him that Urahara needs him to finish cleaning up at the shop.

As he is drinking coffee, tell him that it is illegal in the Seireitei. That is why he had not heard of it until he got to the human world.

Laugh when he begins to freak out and make himself puke so that he won't be illegal when he went back to the Seireitei.

Tell him that you're going to tell his captain on him anyway.

When he begs you not to, tell him you won't do it, so long as he tells you all the secrets about his captain that he knows of.

Tell him, much later after the previous stunt, that coffee is really made from donkey piss.

Replace Zabimaru with a rake, or any other objects like that, like a pool stick or something, just before a big battle.

Tell him that he's weak.

Take a segment of his bankai and run. That way, it can't recombine itself.

Call him a red pineapple.

Ask him if his tattoos go _everywhere..._

Make a long list of reasons why Rukia will never love him.

Make sure one that says that Rukia only likes men who have lots of strength. Hence, she does not even like him. She's just acting.

Tell him that he should have told Rukia how he felt about her when they were younger.

Even though she still would not love him at all, since he would still be weak as hell.

Beat him in anything and everything, so as to prove the point that he is weak.

Steal his headband.

Replace the stolen headband with a bonnet or other girly hair decorations.

Shave his head.

Then comment that he looks just like Ikkaku, only with tattoos.

And he is weaker and dumber.

Try to erase his tattoos.

Ask him if his tattoos were drawn on with a permanent marker.

Tell him that his bankai is weak and slow.

Give him a random calculus problem to do.

If he can't do it without a calculator, or at all, tell him that he really is stupid.

Tell him that he will never be better than Byakuya.

Tell him that he is too old for Rukia.

When he says that he is right around her age, slyly inform him that she only dates younger guys.

Much younger.

Like Ichigo.

Tell him that he is too inexperienced and will be demoted soon because of it.

Tell him that he, in a drunken stupor, had signed up to be Kurotsuchi-taicho's new lab rat.

Start telling everyone about Ikkaku's bankai, then tell Ikkaku that Renji did it.

Tell Kenpachi that Renji is just as strong as Ichigo, even though he really wasn't.

Ask him how many brain cells he lost from falling out of trees as a child.

Then ask him how many he lost while in the eleventh division.

Ask him if he has any left at all.

Ask him if he knows what his gikongan is doing at all times.

Tell him that his gikongan was laughing when he was about to die, and was glad that it would be able to keep his body.

Tell him that people might respect him more if he didn't look like a red pineapple.

Kick him in the shin, and, while he is doubled over, use his back to perform the Captain Morgan pose. (Courtesy of my little brother.)

Ask him if he would use Yagami Raito's Death Note to kill Byakuya.

Bite him and exclaim loud enough for everyone to hear, 'Tastes like pineapple!!!'

Ask him why he let his hair grow out if he wants to be like Ikkaku so much.

Ask him if his tattoos grow in place of his hair.

Ask him if his tattoos are what made him become even dumber than he was before he had them.

Take him into a geometry class (I was in Geometry at the time, I think, which is why I thought of this one...Or maybe it was Alden or Jess....) and try to measure the angles in his tattoos.

Tell him that he has small balls....balls made of kidou, that is....

Tell him that he will never become a captain because he sucks so much at kidou.

Ask him if Dondochakka is his gay lover from another life.

Say, 'Don'tcha know?' at the end of all of your sentences.

Ask him if it reminds him of his gay lover.

* * *

Okay, well that's all for this update. I know it took me a while, but I haven't been home too much lately, and my grades have begun to slip, so I can't really talk in math too much anymore, or else I'm going to fail it again. (I fail Algebra 2 last year, yet they put me in Geometry this year. What the hell is the sense in that??)

Next up shall be Kuchiki Byakuya, that damn stoic bastard who apparently has no face muscles whatsoever, since all he can do is glare at people all the time.

REVIEW!! Else all three of those who have had chapters posted so far shalt come and find you. Give me ideas for Byakuya. It's really hard to piss him off, much less annoy him. I am about halfway done with his, and I started it the same day I started Kurotsuchi's list. So yeah, it's pretty hard.


	4. Kuchiki Byakuya

How long has it been this time? I've lost track, or rather, I haven't been bothering to keep track. If it's been a while, I'm sorry it took me so long to get this up. If it's only been a little while, then I'm back already!

Thanks to the reviewers! You guys keep me going! Now, to the reviewer who just recently reviewed all three chapters (I'm sorry, but I forget your name), the idea that you gave me is going to be implemented in the next chapter. Somehow, I think it fits Aizen better than Byakuya. But thank you so much for the idea. You seem to have as twisted a mind as I do!

Alright, read on!

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach. Same goes for everyone who has helped with this chapter.

**Warning: **_**Do not attempt.**__ You may be reduced to a pile of bones or less as Senbonzakura's petals or its blade slice through your pathetic form. Who knows, Kuchiki-taicho might even be pissed off enough to use bankai..._

Fifty Or More Ways To Annoy Bleach Characters

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Four: Kuchiki Byakuya

- Steal his Kenseikan.

- Give him a mohawk.

- Graffiti his haori with pictures of bunnies.

- Using a permanent pink marker.

- Ask him why Senbonzakura is pink.

- Ask him if his favourite colour is pink.

- Ask him if he wears his scarf in an attempt to melt his cold heart.

- Put glue on the inside of the previously stolen Kenseikan.

- Then return it.

- Giggle when he puts it on.

- When he asks you what is so funny, tell him that there is a stain on his scarf.

- After he furiously looks over the scarf to find the delinquent stain and puts it back on, saying that he can't find it, point at a random spot right below his chin and say, 'But it's right there!'

- When he looks down in disbelief, flick your finger up at his nose and yell, 'Gotcha!'

- Then run away fast.

- Pretend to worship him every time you see him in public somewhere.

- Then tell the people around you that he is paying you to do this.

- Tell him that Rukia is pregnant.

- Then tell him that the father of the to-be-born child is Renji.

- Better yet, Ichigo.

- Even better, Urahara.

- Make a people-pattern thing out of his scarf.

- Throw his scarf into a washing machine along with some brand-new red clothing.

- Claim that you have no idea why it is no longer light blue.

- Ask him if the final stage of his bankai enables him to fly.

- Ask him why he always lets Ichigo fight his battles for him.

- Dye his haori pink.

- Colour on his Kenseikan with a sharpie.

- Or better yet, draw smiley faces on it.

- While he's sleeping, paint his face like a clown.

- Give him bunny ears at every chance that you get.

- Tell him that if he keeps breaking the rules, he will no longer be the head of the Kuchiki clan.

- Put glue all over the hilt of Senbonzakura.

- Then provoke him to draw it out of its sheath.

- See how long it takes for it to stick to his hands.

- Replace his writing ink with tar.

- Cut the strings on his Kenseikan that holds it in place on his head.

- For best results, do this while he's wearing it.

- Cut his hair while he's sleeping.

- If you have no value to your life, shave it.

- Put laxatives in his food.

- Tell him that he would have a good chance with telling jokes if he could learn to smile.

- Make a stuffed animal of Rukia, and put it in his arms while he's sleeping.

- Take a picture.

- Send it to Rukia and tell her that Byakuya is a little too overprotective.

- Even better, use it as blackmail.

- Give him a reverse mohawk.

- Dye it pink.

- Place random bunny plushies all over the Kuchiki Mansion.

- Drain the water from the Koi Fish pond.

- Send the fish to Ukitake and put plushies Koi Fish in place of Byakuya's fish.

- Make him take this class: Smiling 101.

* * *

This was actually a longer one, this time, and as I was typing it out, it ended up being longer than it had been on paper. So I'm glad. With one 'd' (don't ask, you'd have to be in my German class to get it). Alright, review this, and make sure to leave me some suggestions for the next chapter, or future chapters, or previous chapters. Any review will work.

Next up is _**Aizen Sousuke**_. So far, I have nineteen, so if I don't get help from you guys, it will probably be a while till the next chapter comes up for your viewing pleasures. No, wait, I have twenty. I forgot to write one of them down, but one doesn't really make much of a difference.

Oh, and let me know who you want after Aizen. I haven't decided yet, and I have some for just about everyone, so just help me out here. I'll take almost any suggestions, but priority will go to those who I have more of. Then it will go in descending order of who you have chosen.

Does that even make sense?

Review! Ja ne!


	5. Aizen Sousuke

Hey! I'm back with the next chapter of Fifty Or More Ways To Annoy Bleach Characters! This chapter was coauthored with some friends from school and my little brother, as always, and some ideas came from three of the readers who reviewed. So thanks to Uchiha-on-Crack, brandy mallory, and oneluckyduck for their awesome ideas!

Disclaimer: I still don't own Bleach. Nor do I own Burger King.

**Warning: **_**Do not attempt.**_ Who knows what Aizen would do to you after all of this...

Fifty Or More Ways To Annoy Bleach Characters

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Five: Aizen Sousuke

Ask him if he broke his butt.

If he says no, ask him, "Are you sure? Cause there's a crack down mine!"

Tell everyone that he is a pedophile.

Ask him if he wears contacts in Hueco Mundo.

If he says no, ask him if he can see you.

When he says yes, ask him why he wore glasses in the Soul Society.

Ask him if his Espada are the Knights of the Round Table.

Ask him how often he holds tea parties with his Espada.

Ask him if he enjoys the tea parties.

Ask him if they all bring their own dolls.

Ask him where he gets the water for the tea.

Ask him how much hair gel he uses.

Tell everyone that he is secretly a pervert.

Well, maybe not so secretly.

Why else do you think that Halibel's outfit is lacking the midriff and he had Inoue captured?

Steal his glasses.

Convince him that he will lose the war.

Badly.

Tie him up and give him Wet Willies till he cries.

Or tickle him, whichever you prefer.

Ask him how much bribery it took to get Tousen on his side.

Ask him if his motto is: Sacrificing minions. Is there any problem that it can't solve?

Ask him if he did anything to Hinamori while she was sleeping in his room.

Ask him if his bankai allows him to see through other people's clothing.

Steal his contacts so he has to wear glasses.

Tell him that in order to be the real king, he has to kill the Burger King.

Ask him if he uses Kyouka Suigetsu's ability to rape little children.

Ask him why he stole Kabuto's glasses.

When he looks confused, scream loudly that he is molesting you.

Cry for a better effect.

Tell him that he needs to get a better evil laugh.

Ask him why he lets Gin and the Espada do his dirty work for him.

Tell him that Gin always smiles at him because he wants to be seme.

Grin knowingly once he figures out what you mean.

Tell everyone that the night Aizen died, you heard strange noises coming from his room.

Even though you really didn't.

Dye his hair a glow-in-the-dark colour.

Paint Kyouka Suigetsu in glow-in-the-dark paint.

Leave foot prints leading to Gin's room.

Tell him that the bad guys never win.

Especially not ones with hairstyles as dumb as his.

Dye his hair black and call him Sasuke.

Do this in the Human World around lots and lots of anime/manga obsessed teen girls.

Laugh as he glares at you as he runs from the fan girls.

Then hide because you know he will want to kill you as soon as he gets that hair dye off.

Always pretend as if you don't hear him.

When he gets frustrated, point and laugh at him.

Call him four-eyes.

Then say that you recall that because that is Ishida's nickname.

Turn off the power in Las Noches.

While Aizen is in the shower.

When you run into someone who can't see, lead them into Aizen's bathroom.

Then turn the power back on.

Laugh when you hear Aizen and the other person begin to scream.

Ask him what secrets he hides using Kyouka Suigetsu.

Tell him that he should have stayed dead.

Act as a clichéd aunt and go up to him, pinch his cheeks, tell him that he's grown up so much since you last saw him.

Then grab his chin, turn him to face you and tell him, "You'd better take over this Universe soon! You said it would be done MONTHS ago, and you're still not done. You're just like your father..."

* * *

That's it for today. I kept coming up with more as I typed, so I have no idea how many there are, but it's well over fifty. Anyway, I was thinking that next up would either be Yumichika, Soifon or Ichimaru. Leave me reviews so I know who's to write next. Have a nice day!

Oh, and the first one up there was a little joke between my little brother and I. If you don't get it, review and ask me about it and I'll explain it next chapter.

(He he, it's April Fool's Day. I pulled a prank on my dad and I got both of my brothers with it as well. I hid all of his desktop icons after taking a screenshot and putting it as the background. Now, if he goes to click an item, it won't work. I LOVE IT!)

(Also, I deliberately posted today, being that it is April Fool's Day. I tried hard on this chapter, so leave nice reviews, okay?)


	6. Zaraki Kenpachi

Holy crap! I finished this chapter less than a week after I posted the last chapter, and I started this one from scratch! After I finished a science test, I got bored and started to work, and then I ended up with over thirty ideas by the end of that day! Damn I'm good! The rest of the ideas came to me in the McDonalds drive thru, and so now I have to carry a small notepad with me at all times for my spontaneous ideas that I get.

By the way, it is extremely difficult to write while on the bumpy roads of Pennsylvania. My notebook paper is a prime example of this.

Disclaimer: Don't own Bleach or McDonalds. (I mentioned fast food in the last chapter too...I think they're trying to tell me something...)

**Warning: **_**Do not attempt.**_ I'm sure you would not like to be turned into such a bloody mass of bones and pulp that no one would recognize you anymore, so don't try this. Kenpachi is a damn dangerous man. Okay, he's worse than dangerous; he's a hazard to man-kind!

Fifty Or More Ways To Annoy Bleach Characters

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Six: Zaraki Kenpachi

- Hide his eye-patch.

- Also hide his bells.

- Glue them together when you put them back.

- Tell him that he doesn't spend enough time with his zanpakuto.

- Call him weak.

- Tel him that Kurosaki Ichigo can still kick his ass.

- Ask him who 'Yachiru' is.

- Tell him that he doesn't deserve the title of captain.

- Call him a brute.

- Ask him if his favourite colour is blood red.

- Tell him that he is pathetic because he can't put his top bell on by himself.

- Kill Yachiru.

- Hide his Zanpakuto.

- Tell him that in order to surpass Ichigo, he needs a hollow mask.

- And Bankai.

- Hell, he still needs shikai!

- Attempt to re-forge his zanpakuto.

- When he asks you what you are doing, tell him that you're probably gonna do a better job than he did.

- Ask him what his zanpakuto's name is.

- Shave his head.

- Better yet, only shave one half of his hair off.

- Or maybe give him an old man style haircut.

- Perhaps just cut it.

- Ask him why he has such long hair.

- Ask him if he was previously in a biker gang.

- Dye his hair pink, cut it and style it like Yachiru's.

- Tell people that he's trying to look just like her, and he's currently working on the height difference.

- When he gives you the chance to attack first, run away saying, "I'll get back to you on that!"

- Tell him that you have arranged for him to battle Yamamoto.

- When he starts grinning like mad and is all hyped up, tell him that it was just a joke.

- Paint his bells neon pink, orange and/or green.

- Dye his hair gray.

- Then call him Ken-jii.

- 'Accidentally' mix up his gigai and Matsumoto's.

- Better yet, Hitsugaya's.

- Best of all, Yachiru's.

- Put his hair up in pigtails.

- Give him a non-frayed haori.

- Ask him if he takes steroids.

- Ask him what he would do to Yumichika if he found out about his zanpakuto.

- Strongly suggest that he transfer him to the twelfth division, as you've been there, and they need more lab rats--er--assistance.

- Tell him that Ikkaku is better than him, as he has learned his bankai already.

- Tell him that his hair looks like a cockatiel.

- Tell him that a peace/no violence treaty has been signed. Therefore, no fighting at all will be tolerated.

- See how long it takes him to go insane.

- Plant pink flowers all over his division.

- Especially surround his room in them.

- Replace his brushes with crayons.

- Pink and purple and yellow coloured ones.

- See if he stops doing his paperwork.

- Well, the little bit that he does.

- Hijack his paperwork and draw pictures of him killing Yama-jii.

- In the brightly coloured crayons that you put in his office, just to make it look like he did it.

- Then turn in the work.

- Get one of the things that Urahara used in chapter 69 and make it fly through Kenpachi's window. (But with a different message than it was for Ichigo and crew.)

- See how long it takes him to come charging outside prepared to fight.

- Run if he comes right away, as he's probably very blood thirsty.

- Hell, you should probably run right after you launch the thing, cause he'll fucking Hunt You Down.

- Then you'll die, and Ken-chan will have no one to play with.

- Call him Ken-chan.

* * *

Holy shit, this was a long and short chapter at the same time! The ideas are averagely short, but there's sixty of 'em, so I think this is the longest chapter that way. Either way, I'm pretty damn proud of myself. I think I did most of this chapter on my own, and didn't rely too much on friends this time around.

Anyway, I think I'll let you guys pick the character for the next chapter. Anyone who I don't have already who is not really a minor character. Minor characters are harder to do, since you usually don't get a good look at their personality.

So review and leave me your ideas! It would be best if in your review you left me some ideas to start with, too! But you don't have to, but it would help me to get the chapter out sooner.

Oh, and guess what? Today is my birthday! I'm so happy!


	7. Soifon

It's been a long time now, hasn't it? I can't even believe how long it's been since I updated this story, but I'd run right out of ideas for a little while there. This chapter was a tossup between Soifon and Ichimaru, but Soifon won due to the fact that I finished hers first.

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything that just so happens to be copyrighted. End of discussion.

**Warning: **_**Do not attempt.**__ I'm sure that if you tried all of these ideas, Soifon would go either shikai or bankai on your ass and kill you._

Fifty Or More Ways To Annoy Bleach Characters

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Seven: Soifon

- Tell her that Yoruichi died.

- Rip the heads off of all her stuffed black cats.

- Tell her that Urahara and Yoruichi are going to be getting married.

- Then tell her that neither wants her at the wedding, so she's not invited.

- Tell her that Oomaeda is better than her.

- Slyly remind her that Oomaeda will probably be the one to take her place after she dies.

- Ask her if she is a lesbian.

- Dye all of her clothing white and tell Yamamoto-soutaicho that she has joined Aizen.

- Tell her that Ichigo has seen Yoruichi nude more than she has.

- When she asks how many times he's seen her, tell her that you stopped counting after thirty.

- Tell her that Yoruichi has filed a restraining order against her.

- Now they are not allowed to be within the same dimension as one another.

- Tell her that Yoruichi had taken the form of a black cat for one hundred years to hide from her.

- Tell her that the Urahara Shouten burned down.

- Then tell her that Yoruichi had been inside and no one can find her now.

- Break all of Soifon's connections to Yoruichi.

- Tell her that she will never be worthy enough for Yoruichi.

- Give her a bee costume and tell her that Yoruichi wants her to wear it.

- All day long. Including captain meetings and the like.

- Give her a blank piece of paper and tell her that she must get it signed by all captains and lieutenants, proving that she did indeed wear the suit for a whole day.

- Tell her that if she doesn't do any of it, Yoruichi will never speak to her again.

- Ask her why she always stabs people in the chest/boobs.

- Ask her if it's some sort of boob obsession, since she seems to have almost none.

- Cut off her braids.

- Plant hundreds of hungry bees in her room.

- Tell her that, no matter what, she and Yoruichi will never be able to have children together.

- Tell her that her love for Yoruichi is only one-sided.

- Tell her that she can no longer be the leader of the Onmitsukidou since she has only one arm.

- Tell her that Yoruichi has shaved herself bald.

- See if she does the same thing.

- Release a normal black cat into the Seireitei.

- Tell Soifon that it is Yoruichi.

- Laugh if she goes to seek it out.

- Laugh harder if she catches it and tries to make it talk to her.

- Laugh even harder when it scratches her face up.

- Tell her that Urahara has not been treating Yoruichi very well.

- Ask her if she's going to be a crazy cat lady when she's old.

- Send her to an anime convention where there are a lot of Yoruichi cosplayers.

- Watch and laugh as she fights them all whilst trying to find the real Yoruichi.

- Laugh even harder as the judges tell her that her attitude as Soifon is not very good.

- If you're still able to breathe by this point, continue to laugh as she beats up the judges and finally gets herself tossed out of the convention.

- Tell her that Yoruichi has another pupil that she loves more.

- When she demands to know who, tell her that it's Ichigo.

- Tell her that it's because of Yoruichi's teaching that Ichigo got so strong so fast.

- Ask her if she would die if she stabbed herself twice in the same place with Suzumebachi.

- Dye her hair white and spike it.

- Then ask her if she's trying to look like Hitsugaya.

- Tell her that since Hacchi has lost an arm, he can no longer trap Urahara in a barrier like he promised.

- Ask her where her haori goes after she throws it away in a battle.

- Then ask her how she ever finds it again.

* * *

Yes, I know that some of these are really lame, but I wanted to get a chapter out as soon as possible and this was the one that was closest to completion. I'm sorry that there were so many Yoruichi references in here. Apparently, they are the most likely to succeed in annoying her, so I suppose it works.

Trust me, I'm more sick of seeing Yoruichi's name than you are. I'm sick of typing it. But hey, at least I know I won't spell it wrong anytime soon, right?

Anyway, the next chapter will probably be Ichimaru Gin. Please send me your ideas~! I need a lot of help with the chapter. I only have ten ideas for him and I want to have the chapter posted sometime before I die (joke).

Review please~! I would appreciate it very much~!


	8. Ichimaru Gin

I'm sorry to inform you all that this will be the **last chapter**. Well, maybe it won't be if I come up with enough ideas for another character, but this is more of a burden than anything nowadays. So keep reviewing with ideas, because you never know how many I have for a character.

Disclaimer: I don't own Ichimaru Gin or Bleach. Or anything else that is copyrighted.

**Warning: **_**Do not attempt.**__ No one knows what would happen to you if you tried this, since everyone who has tried was never seen again._ -Insert evil laughter here-

Fifty Or More Ways To Annoy Bleach Characters

By Kouzumi93

Chapter Eight: Ichimaru Gin

- Tape his eyes open.

- Ask him how many Espada he scares in a day by doing so.

- Ask him if he likes to drink gin just because it's funny.

- Tell him that his never-changing expression would probably be very helpful if he played poker.

- Ask him if he was supposed to be named Grin, but it didn't sound cool enough, so the 'r' was dropped.

- Or maybe his parents were drunk at the time and named him after what they had been drinking.

- Ask him if Matsumoto's favourite alcoholic drink is gin.

- Ask him if his bankai allows him to extend his extremities. (hint hint)

- Stand him next to Lau (from Kuroshitsuji/Black Butler) and compare them.

- Note all of their similarities out loud. (:D They have the same voice actor)

- Make sure to say that Lau opens his eyes more often.

- Ask him if he's just on Aizen's side for the lulz.

- Ask him if his favourite saying is, 'Smile. It makes them wonder what you're up to.'

- Have someone call him fox face repeatedly.

- Jump in and say, 'No, he doesn't look anything like Komamura.'

- Make sure you are not within earshot of Komamura when doing this.

- Ask him how often he manages to get the Espada lost in the hallways by manipulating them.

- Get back at him in the name of the Espada. Sneak into the control room and start pressing lots of buttons, set off traps and lead him to dead end after dead end.

- Tell him what's _really_ in the tea of Las Noches.

- Or at least, what you think is in the tea. He'll be grossed out either way.

- Tell him that he has a pedo-smile.

- Say that you might call him a paedophile or a pervert, but you can never quite tell where he's looking.

- Tell him that it is really hard to recreate his face in the Sims.

- Ignore him when he asks what 'The Sims' is.

- Tell him that as long as his face remains as it is, you are unable to take him seriously.

- Tell him that his accent makes him sound funny.

- Tell him that Matsumoto regrets having ever met him. (exiledDatenshi)

- Also comment that she would have rather starved. (exiledDatenshi)

- Ask him why there are cameras in the showers of Hueco Mundo.

- Ask him if he's the reason that Matsumoto drinks so much.

- And Kira, too.

- Replace all of his underwear with pink, frilly and laced panties.

- It's even better if they belong to a seated female officer.

- Particularly Unohana.

- Tell him that he will probably die soon in the manga.

- When he looks surprised, tell him that it'll probably be Ichigo with a hint of plotkai.

- Ask him what he would do if Aizen were to become the King.

- Of course, this is saying that he survives the war.

- Dye his hair a different colour.

- Tell him that his name can't be 'Gin' anymore.

- Ask him if he also has a hollow mask.

- If he says yes, ask him if it's a fox.

- Then comment that you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

- If he says no, yell, 'Lies! Lies and a cup of pudding!'

- When he gives you a look of confusion, say that the Pudding Gods made you do it.

- Whenever you are around him, close your eyes and grin as widely as you can.

- After walking into [more than] a few walls, turn to him and say, 'Damn, I don't know how you can do that all the time!'

- Then ask him how he _does_ do it.

- Tell him that while he may have been a genius at one point, he has surely been replaced.

- Ask him if he left the Soul Society in the pursuit of Cake, since there is none there.

- Tell him that he would make a very comedic 'happy flasher.'

- Convince him that he's invisible.

- Lead him into a women's bathroom and run away.

- Laugh and keep running as you hear him screaming.

* * *

Sorry 'bout all of the 'gin' jokes, I just find it funny about his name being the same as an alcoholic beverage. And the whole 'pudding' thing in there is because of my friend and her obsession with it. She said something about Pudding Gods the day I was writing this up, and it slowly made it's way in.

I do hope all of these are at least remotely funny. I was (am) suffering from sleep deprivation when I came up with them and my sense of humour is odd, so I dunno. Let me know what you think! I'll still accept ideas for other characters (as well as ones past, as I can go back and add stuff in), but maybe don't expect anything for a while.

If you don't get any of the references, watch the Shinigami Golden segments at the end of each episode. If you're still confused, send me a message and I'll explain it.

Review please!


End file.
